Hannibal : F#ck Yeah Intelligent Psychopaths

   Okay, guys, I'm really sorry, but I'm obsessed. I need to get this out somewhere. I have so many feelings for this show and for the title character. Not as mixed as they should be. It's mainly just love. With a side of wtf dude?! That's how I feel about all of it.

   I mean, CAN YOU NOT?!

   So Hannibal killed Beverly Katz and that's what he did with her body. Beautiful, really, thank you for that visual, it's the cutest thing ever. Well, 2nd cutest actually. Here is THE CUTEST OF ALL.

    I love that guy. Again, CAN YOU NOT?! That man is a constant mix of bitchiness and irritation. He's a whiny bitch. And I love him for that. Like 'no I didn't record your conversation, because it was in the only goddamn room I can't "legally" monitor, whatever I don't even care.."

Will's obsessed too. Except more in an I'm taking you down b!tch kinda way.

   Anyway, Will recently remembered the night he took Abel Gideon to Hannibal's place and had a seizure while the 2 psycho killers entertained each other. So he brings it up to Chilton like 'Oh remember that time you completely f#cked up ? When the guy thought he was the baddest b!tch in town for a while ? Yeah that was so much fun, I wanna see him, HE FEELS ME."

B!tch ur so annoying

    Will is so obvious when he's manipulating people, what is up with that ? Just be cool, dude ! But Chilton's such a little slut he can't pass the chance to catch the mothaf#cking superstar of serial killers.

So they meet again.

   And Gideon's really not that helpful. Just kill the b!tch ? That's your contribution ?! Thank you for that actually 'cause it made for a really nice episode and I guess we owe it all to you.

Aww my little babies. My creepy, beautiful, conniving bastard babies.. You little f#ckers.

Chilton : We're not morally functional people.

   You seriously need to stop it with all the intense eye contact though. And generally looking at each other when the other one's not looking. It's not appropriate. Just stahp.

Hannibal : no we're not mweheheh
Hannibal. Stop. I can f#cking feel you looking. It tingles.
How you like it now huh?!

    I want them to have a scene together in every episode from now on. You know what ? I ship it. In a PLATONIC BATTLE OF THE MINDS style kind of way, ok, calm the f#ck down people.

OH MY GOD HANNIBAL CUT IT OUT ! You elegant little sh!t, come on.

   So it's all intellectually superior fun time, they're kind of f#cking with each other. 'I know what you did to Will you f#cking psycho -OH YEAH?! You don't know the half of it, b!tch ! -No you're right I don't *looks away subtly whistling* eheh, idiot..

   And then Hannibal gets the best idea of all time, past, present and whatnot. You stole my patient, Imma analyze yours. See if we don't know enough about each other's misdeeds THEN, HA !!

And Chilton is just like "oh f#ck, you got me there"

   Gideon is awesome. He's got the Hannibal smarts and social skills. And he mutilates people. Which is a good thing..? Oh my god, my sanity..

   I think Hannibal is appreciative of Gideon's flattery and common sense. He pretends to know him only by reputation and to be quite impressed with what little he does know 'cause Hannibal's a pretty impressive guy. It's all so transparent but so very sweet to the soul.

My poor little baby !! It's okay you'll get there, don't even worry 'bout it, don't listen to them, they don't appreciate you !

Oh come on..
I f#cking loathe you and your beautiful minds.
   I love that smile. He can't hold it in. At first it was softly grateful like 'yes I agree, thank you for noticing my awesomeness" and when it becomes a contest between him and Chilton, and he's winning, it turns into this barely contained explosion of smug self appreciation.

   I want more of that too. So, more unethical psychiatrists battle of the minds and more super serial killers meetings with cryptic answers and analyzing everyone.

    The best characters in this show are the psychotic ones. (Face it. Accept it.) And when two of them find themselves in the same space it's very pleasurable. Let's put them all together in a room for one entire episode and see what happens. Anyway, now Hannibal knows Will is still upset and suspicious. Thank you Gideon for providing our characters with valuable insight on one another.

Freddy Lounds, ladies and gentlemen. Ever the subtle proverbial brick.

"That was very rude Ms. Lounds." *Freddy you dumb f#ck DON'T POKE THE BEAR*

   Is he really disappointed ? I mean he knows who she is. Does he somehow still expect more of her ? Is that a good thing ? I don't want her to die. She's smart. She's the only psychopath/sociopath/idfk on the show that doesn't kill. And she's pretty and a b!tch, please don't kill her.

Patronizing Hannibal. I want more of you. Your face is priceless, sir.

   I'll admit, this little exchange made me automatically think she was gonna be the Hannibal love interest. And I hate to say I would like that. Much better than Alana and Hannibal.. seriously, BORING. And they do look kinda good together. Aesthetically speaking I mean. They have this I don't know.. grace(??) about them. IT LOOKS MIGHTY F#CKING FINE. And she's the only female character to put as much thought and attention to detail in the way she dresses as him. They would make a very elegant couple is all I'm saying.

And what would make it even more awesome is that she wouldn't take any shit from him. But that's also the reason it's not gonna happen. He despises her and she doesn't respect him. And it's fine..

But instead I want a sociopaths battle of the minds. SO MANY SMART PEOPLE MAN IT DOES THINGS TO ME.

But seriously though, who catches Hannibal in the books ? Can it please be her ? Pretty please ??

That guy. Um.. What to say ?

He's a crazy son a b!tch. Will agrees with me.

   But I did love his metaphor. Hawks are strong and deadly predators but they're solitary, so when their preys get together they can shoo them away, it's their one and only weakness. "Imagine if the hawks started working together."

Just imagine Will..
Hmmmmh.. I like it.

   Here's what would happen : they would band together and become unstoppable predators but most importantly they'd gang up on the ones that remained solitary. Like Hannibal. The best character ever created. And that's not ok.

Stop trying to be a baddass mastermind, Will. You're embarrassing yourself.

   Luckily, Alana's obsession is Will, and so she spends a lot of time at the asylum, noticing shit and being a b!tch about Chilton losing his kidney.

Low blow.

   Since she's smart too, although not gracefully like Hannibal (or Chilton, or Gideon, or Freddy) but more like a potato (safe and predictable), she asks to talk to Gideon. And Chilton's like "goddamnit f#cking psychiatrists always in my goddamn hospital..FINE YOU CAN SEE HIM!!"

Ok but you do not talk about me, I do not exist in the world in which you'll be having you smart people conversation, GOT IT?! 
   And Gideon, being the master puppeteer that he is, tells Alana that Will's trying to get Hannibal killed, after planting the idea in Will's mind himself. Brilliant. Sir, I applaud your efforts. And he also kinda told Hannibal that Will wasn't his biggest fan right now, so that's a sort of warning.. F#ck it, he's team Hannibal, I ship it and that's that.


Wow. Ok sure.

Your back muscles, sir.

   So. It's a sad day for Hannibal. He's been bested by a dude who only mutilates his victims post mortem. F#cking amateur. What has the world come to..

But great f#cking torture idea. I gotta hand it to you hawk guy you did good on this one. *grudging nod of respect*

   And he's a curious son of a b!tch too. I mean I understand, you got Hannibal Lecter right in front of you, slowly dying and shamelessly looking like f#cking Jesus, you're gonna ask a few things.

   Oh btw forgot about that but Hannibal killed the judge ! For ruling his defense as inadmissible. Well no shit. It was way to elaborate and theatrical for it to be Hawk Guy. But seriously, Hannibal, you little f#cker, you need to chill. And stop copying everyone "but not quite" !

Anyway, Hannibal won't condescend to give him an answer. He ain't worthy.

    So instead he does the pupils trick thingy from House M.D. or Mentalist I don't f#cking know.. Anyway, that's a pretty cool trick. And it's nice to have Hannibal answer that question, not that there was a doubt but even when he met Dr Gideon he didn't really come out and say it, which was extremely frustrating.. This is a big fat YES and it's nice.

   And he's so impressed and proud ! And that's what's been missing from this show. Some live face-to-face Hannibal appreciation.

   I like (/F#CKING LOVE IT WITH ALL OF MY SOUL) that Hannibal manages to not appear weak. He looks restrained, and sure, physically weak (balancing yourself on a bucket i.e. using massive muscle strength without ever relaxing 'cause you get strangled by a rope if you do while bleeding out will do that to you) but in the Will lovers battle of the minds he's crushing it.

   You don't know Will, you don't know the value of life, go ahead ask your f#cking stupid questions, you're not the Chesapeake Ripper, EAT ME MWAHAHAHA!!

You show 'em guuurl. *snaps fingers*

   But thanks to Alana and Gideon, Jack is here to save the day ! This is the second time he's saved his life. If I remember correctly. The first being when Will was about to shoot him in Minnesota. My point being that without Jack, Hannibal would've died twice already. And he's gonna stab him in the throat for his trouble. TOUGH SH!T.

   Then Alana comes in, just stands there, staring, being productive.. And then finally she runs to get help, looking dumb. Thank you Alana you've served your purpose.

And that's it. That is ALL I had to say. More of my baby.

    Amazing episode, wonderful show, magnificent psychopaths, etc. There's no point in listing adjectives describing the awesomeness of this show, I am absolutely in love with it. Thank the lord for inventing Tumblr gifs and Fannibals, without 'em I might have never watched it.. Which would have probably been a good thing for my sanity and sense of right and wrong but who uses those anyway?! I might OR MIGHT NOT do a full post on the promo because OH HOT DAMN..

1 comment:

  1. Love the episode/love the review! Now... please do Revolution this week, because it BROKE MY SOUL. It almost made me ship Jarlie for a nanosecond, before I came to my senses and demanded more Charloe.


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