True Blood : A Glimmer of Hope

    I'm skipping the Revolution finale review for now, I'm away and I don't really have time for long ass posts. Also, since I'm away, I'm watching everything a few days late, and I just finished catching up on the last True Blood episode. So let's talk about that.

   This episode had something that's been missing for a looong while now... Eric and Sookie. What's the ship name for that ? Ekie ? Sooric ?! I'm gonna go with Stackman because it's baddass. **EDIT: Turns out it's Sooric.. I guess it's my fault for not starting Stackman, 6 years ago..

   I started watching True Blood when season 3 was airing and I always thought season 2 and 3 were the best. Season 1 was excruciating to watch, but luckily there was one good character named Lafayette. Nelsan Ellis kept me from saying to hell with this sh!t right away. Then came Eric and Pam. And thank God for those two. To this day, they're the only ones (with the exception of Lafayette of course) I'm actually glad to see appear on the screen. 

Actually, I used to skip most of everything that wasn't Eric related. Now I watch the whole thing and it's hard, man.

    True Blood has always been this very peculiar combination of cheesy and creepy, in my opinion. What I'm really trying to say is that it didn't recently just get bad. It is what it's always been. Only, the story lines don't make up for it as much as they might have used to. But anyway, I could never bring myself to stop watching because of that one ship. I wanted to see it happen. Ladies and Gentlemen, Stackman.

    And it happened, eventually. And it was weird but sorta cute. With a side of creepy. Then we had season 5, and season 6, and nothing. Nothing. 2 years I waited for this. TWO f#cking years, and finally here it is.

   Eric gets back to Bon Temps, and it just so happens that we were in need of badass vampires over there. So they get to Bill's house and whaddaya know, Sookie's super happy to see him. Awwwwww..

   It was really nice that this was a Stackman oriented episode, because we have suffered the Bill/Sookie thing for SE-VEN years now (just 5 for me but STILL) and in the episode before that, it was seemingly stronger than ever, but Eric Northman is back b!tches. 

    So they have this little heart to heart (very season 3, IMAO) and even though she's been trying to stay strong and sh!t the entire episode, now Eric's here and he might die too. 

   So her front gives a little and she's not pretending that she's the strongest b!tch in town anymore. He reprimands her choice of boyfriend, then comforts her, it's all very quiet and familiar. Then when she starts to cry just a little (no ugly sobbing or anything) he tells her what he's been up to and -here comes the cheesy- it's adorable that after more than a year of not seeing each other they're so comfortable with each other. 

    Earlier in the episode, Sookie had to mind rape Holly and force her to remember where the infected vampires were keeping the missing humans, and poor Holly broke down after that. Andy, her husband didn't quite know what to do and Sookie simply told him "We like to be held." Just throwing that out there.

   It's a sweet moment. They thought they'd never see each other again and it's nice that they had space to peacefully revel in the fact that after all 7 seasons of non-sense they're both still here, and they've built a strong personal history that belongs only to them.

    But duty calls and they have to go rescue Sookie's friends and co-townies. Eric's sick and dying, so Pam goes in with Bill while the rest of their little operation waits outside.

And of course Eric and Sookie feel a little left out.

  So they hatch their own little diversion plan.

    They get in because Sookie smells like the sun, and flowers and sex in a bottle. And it was a great idea to have them do something like that, it reminds me of the whole fellowship of the sun mess in season 2. *sighh*

And it works perfectly, except, humans are all stupid intolerant rednecks on this show, so they come and ruin it.

    They throw molotovs and shoot vampires and luckily, some of them die. Anyway, while everyone's outside fighting, Sookie's trying to keep Arlene alive long enough to get some healthy vampire blood in her, Bill comes in at some point to do just that, but he says f#ck it 'cause Jessica's in trouble. Which is completely fine, btw !

So Sookie asks poor crippled Eric to get help and he does, 'cause he's a sweetheart.

And then comes the long lingering look of love and gratitude.

    And for some reason, Eric always looks super sad when he does something nice for her. Maybe it's a whole I love her but I can't have her thing, in which case, get over it and just get with her. It'll all be better afterwards, trust me.

    I haven't seen the preview for tonight's episode and I don't even want to know, maybe the whole Sookie/Eric thing is back in the game, maybe they're just gonna be like 'NO. Bill's her true love, stop fighting it. I don't know. Also, Alcide's dead. Did not see that coming. But I guess it was always gonna end like that for him, it was the only way to legitimately remove him from the list of suitors. It's like, you can't have him, he's dead ! You can have Eric or Bill, now CHOOSE. So I guess we'll see.. My hopes are way up now, so tonight's ep will either be awesomely cheesy or it'll definitely seal what my opinion of True Blood has become.


Revolution : B!tches and Happiness. And Puppies.

Bet you thought you wouldn't hear from me for a while, huh ? Productivity B!TCHES !!

   I'm only doing it for the David Lyons screencaps, really. You gotta know how to motivate yourself ! I feel like I haven't been showing a lot of appreciation lately. Sure the show is flawed, but,.. dat face... and eyes, and tan, and altogether perfect-ness.

    So, Neville hands Connor back over and Bass is all "my baby you're safe lemme touch ya" and I'm like stop it with the good dad bit ! IT IS TOO ADORABLE, I can't handle all the fuzzy fluffiness, please STAHP!

Theeeere, much better.

    Anyway, we can't have 3 different "groups" trying to take the patriots down, so the Monroes and the one Neville merge into one psychotic little party. NOW, onto badass Charlie.

Because now that Monroe's not around to see it, Charlie's all rough talk and bitchiness. And it is glorious.

   So they find out that the patriots have a freaking tank of mustard gas coming in. Actually it's already here, attached to a train. And smarty pants over here is like "we need Monroe, omfg what are we gonna do without Monroe, you guys suck, you're not smart like him, you can't do this, he is king, he is the emperor of my heart.." ... or something..

And Charlie's saying all of that and more. With her eyes. Or she's annoyed. Cuz she be like 'that's MY man b!tch !" One or the other. Yes.

    So they all head back to the hideout to have their super council of badasses. By the way it's actually a really nice hiding place, it's huge, and it has cash registers, so, like a convenience store or something, DEFINITELY NOT a shed.

Pretty blond people.

    Anyway, everyone's like what are we gonna do and Miles just goes WE'RE STEALING A TRAIN. And I love the way he says it, like well f#ck me, we're hijacking a f#cking train, f#cking hell...

Or just kill me now. With whiskey. Please.

   Except, one doesn't just help themselves to a train. One needs help, so Gene's b!tch is getting them some. A well-meaning Willoughby fellow and his loving daughter.

Miles is somewhat distressed by the quality and quantity they're getting, and Charlie is being a cocky little b!tch.

I love sneering Charlie, and WTF Miles is legitimately the best Miles there is ! It's killing me how cute they are.

    I guess since it was almost the end of the season and possibly the show, they wanted to make up for the utter lack of Charlie and Miles this whole season, so right after this shameless display of prettiness and contempt, they have a little heart to heart.

   'Cause the incompetent guy that's gonna help them is the dad of the little pain in the ass that Rachel didn't want Miles to kill. Whom Miles ended up killing in Austin. And that gets them talking about being a good guy and I guess it's sweet but I don't really care.. Doing it for the screencaps.

And the adorableness.

    So they're ready to go and f#ck everyone up the ass, but the blond mercenary asshole who's in love with Monroe is a tattling little b!tch. Which I'm grateful for. Monroe already missed one opportunity to have fun spraying people in the face, he ain't letting that happen again. You don't mess with a man's fun time.

They get inside the whatever that patriot operated place is where the train station is, hiding in a wagon.

Gene's back hurts from the ride and Charlie's only reaction to that is "MWARFWAHAHA YOU're OLD and Imma graceful gazelle LMFAO"

Then it's stabbing time, YAY!!

Stealthy BAMF don't test me

More badassery.

    Okay, now, Charlie's only had like a year of learning and experiencing all this sh!t, so we'll forgive her for not taking into account that if other people realize the guy that sounds the alarm is dead, they'll sound it for him.

Plus it gives us more badassery, and we all know where this is headed anyway, so really not a big deal.

Good job, Charlie.

So they shoot people, and when they're done they laugh together.


STOP IT. With the smiles and beautiful faces and sh!t, what exactly are you trying to prove?!

Happier than a freaking puppy

And then, one of the last few really good scenes we're likely to ever get.

    Miles, Charlie, Gene and the dead kid's dad (nobody gives a flying f#ck about him but whaddaya gonna do, he was there) all get back to the traitorous mercenary b!tch. Enters the psycho squad of hell.

Miles is like wtf, serious-f#cking-ly, Bass you're such a party pooper.


Charlie's looking her best for her man.

Then Miles and Monroe have their little 'come back to me bro' moment. To the untrained eye this can seem slightly homo-erotic.

Which is really awkward for Connor. Cuz he a little b!tch. All right I'll stop saying "cuz". #toomuchsass

Anyway, they're all ready to go but Tom decides he's gonna shoot the Matheson b!tch after all.

    Now, sadly, this moment is more Miloe than it is Charloe, because of course Miles gets in front of Charlie like WOaHwoAH DuDE NO and that's where Monroe turns back around and sees a gun pointed at his best friend trying to protect his niece. And not just Neville being an ass to Charlie.

    Miles is so freaking adorable he puts himself between Charlie and the gun, and Neville makes it abundantly clear he has no problem shooting Miles first to get to his son's killer.. Thus there is absolutely no way to legitimately interpret this moment as anything else than Bass sticking up for his friend and his niece.

So, in conclusion, f#ck you Miles.

Anyway, Bass tries to use his authority over Neville. He has none.

Miles tries to reason with him. BETTER. But still not working.

So, Bass goes Alpha psycho on his ass (MORE BETTER) and of course, Mr Connor freaking Bennet has a problem with that.

You insecure little sack of horse sh!t.

In the end, Bass is a badass and it's all too blurry to even bother trying to show it to ya.

Miles is grateful, obviously.

If you squint real hard there's a big fat thank you written all over that face

And then, whaddaya know ??


The longing looks are back. And Bass's face is just so perfect I can't even..


And after all that excitement, they realize the tank is f#cking empty. They did all that for f#cking nothing.

The actual gas is right here, with the President of Texas and half of Willoughby.

So Miles suggests they go and get it.


In the end, Bass is on the adorable puppy team too, so he has to go. And Conny prissy pants is not happy about that so he decides he'll stay and sulk.

And not a single f#ck was given.

    While we're at it, I wish they would stop always putting Miles and Bass in the front. If someone absolutely has to ride shotgun, fine ! Let it be Charlie for f#cking once ! As it is, she's just the kid in the back. That's not good for business.

Back at the big party of doom, Gene's b!tch finds the gas because she was smart.

And Truman is being creepy, gross and loving.


So he kills her, because of love and reasons, and everyone's about to die a horrible death. Roll credits.

   All in all that was a pretty f#cking great episode.. Btw, Rachel was actually great in this one, too bad I didn't show any of it *mwahahahaAHAHAHA* no but seriously, she was badass, slapping the nano b!tch and being smart and all that, it was good ! Even though none of it worked out in the end I liked every second of it, so well done Rachel ! Guys. There's only one left. And it breaks my heart. But hey, positive stuff amiright?! Be brave. And eat biscuits.