Game of Thrones : The Blackwater's On Fire

 Best. Episode. Ever.

You have faith huh ? Well good luck with that.

So the episode starts at night, everyone is getting ready for battle. Meaning that Cersei is collecting a secret poison, the essence of nightshade, you know just in case she needs to kill her youngest, Tyron is having a moment with Varys, the eunuch and of course our little Joffrey just has to torture his future wife before he goes to battle. I love that character so hard core. He named his sword. He talks about it like it's a person. He's out of his mind. I love it.

But then on the top of King's Landing wall he is just a little boy. He doesn't understand what's happening because he wasn't the one to think of preparing for an attack. He has no idea what the plan is. So he panics. He is freaking out the entire time he's out there.

But not to worry because Tyrion is leading the defense. And Tyrion rocks.

That might be my favorite suspense moment in the history of GoT. I mean just picture it : it's dark, you're at sea (the least escapable place on earth) and you see this creepy little boat approaching your fleet, there's no one on it it's just slowly advancing toward you. How do those guys not pee their pants ?

Oh and wildfire leaking from the ship. It's horrible because they see it and then they see the arrow and they're like "Well, we're f#cked".

But that's not gonna stop Stannis. So they just go around the nuclear catastrophe and manage to land on the shores. The Hound is leading a sortie to repel Stannis's army but he sees a guy on fire and has a nervous breakdown.

So they all go back inside and The Hound basically says "F#ck all of you" and goes in Sansa's room to drink, I'll get to that.

Anyway Joffrey is about to have a meltdown or start crying. The King's Guard kind of abandoned him but, thank the lord, his mummy's cousin/lover comes to fetch him. I love that shot. He looks at Tyrion for like a second but there's so much shame in this look, he knows he's not doing the right thing, the brave thing but he's just too scared to do anything else. He's so depressing, he's almost loveable.

But Tyrion manages to get the troops' morale back up ! 

But Tyrion gets slashed across the face ! Boooooh ! Burn the guy that did that. I gotta say that moment was a huge wtf? Who's that guy ? He's in the King's guard but it's not like we've ever seen him talk or anything ! And what's his deal ? Seriously where the hell did that come from ? The dude looked at him and he went all murderous like "Oh you're pretty, let me fix that for you !"

I don't remember seeing this little guy before but I like him. A lot. He's 10 times braver than Joffrey will ever be, he's completely selfless and he's kind of round and cute. Like a baby pig. You know, in a good way !

And inside the castle, Cersei offered shelter to the ladies of the court. With a guy standing by to kill them, just in case. How so very thoughtful. Anyway she tried to talk them to death all night. Honestly what's with the opening up in the most creepy and depressing way possible ? Just for kicks ?

Then she punched her cousin/whore where he'd just taken an arrow and left. That led to a whole another wtf? So Sansa left too and went to her room where she found the Hound, drinking and being all "Imminent death makes me a philosopher". Then he proposes to take her back home. Like, whaaa? Sure, you wanna elope too ? They've had more and more scenes together lately and I just don't see where that's going.

And the last (but not least) scene of the episode. Cersei telling a cute little story about a mother and her cub destined to be king before she makes her son drink some poison. "It'll protect you" oh will it now ? I get her point, I understand why she'd want to do that, save him the pain of being a prisoner and being executed but Jesus, if you're gonna go through with that, have the presence of mind to wait until you're sure it's over, until they're at your door.

But then Tywin Lannister barges in like "Daddy's home, it's over"

I have to admit I found Cersei's reaction bewildering. It was so childish, the unconditional trust she puts in her father is really sweet. Anyway, the battle is over, the Lannisters are still standing, well most of them ... I don't think they could actually kill Tyrion but there's this little doubt that makes it seem impossible to wait another 5 days ! Only one episode left, can't wait !

Game Of Thrones : Oh, The Lannisters ...

God, this show is so frustrating I want to talk about everything that happened in the last episode ! Arya, Gendry and Piggy boy escaped, Bran and his little brother are still alive (granted I was expecting that one but still !), Theon was pushed around by his sister and obnoxious Robb got some sympathy sex for imprisoning his mommy like, okay, whatever ...

But what I care about most, as always, is the Lannisters.

 Oh Joffrey, how I have missed you, the psychotic edge you put to that smile, your constantly trying to prove you're strong and fearless when really you're not ... All of you Joffrey, I've missed all of you !

"I'll give him a red smile" uh, sure dude, whatever you say ... He's so pathetic when he tries to be ruthless but it is so fun to watch ! Honestly, even if right now he's ridiculous, I think that with fifteen more years a guy that creepy could really become a feared and respected king. But for some reason I don't think we'll ever get to see him as more than he is now.

Cersei is a bitch. We already knew she was stronger and braver than her son, mostly because she's more experienced, but we hadn't really seen this cruel side yet.

Oh Tyrion ... My hero. He's the best character of this show and Peter Dinklage is simply amazing.

So Cersei found "his" whore. Actually it was the other one. I still don't know her name, but poor girl. She never should have left Winterfell, all this crap just keeps happening to her ... Anyway Tyrion acted as if she was his lover, and Cersei had her revenge.

After threatening Cersei, Tyrion ran to his real love, Shae. It was such a sweet moment. I'm gonna sound like a girly little girl but it was so adorable. I love Tyrion, we've established that, and I love that he's funny and cynical, but there's also this extremely fragile side of him that we've only seen when he was with Shae and it is just heartbreaking. Without her he'd be completely lost. He'd probably kill hir sister if she ever harmed her.

Yes she is yours, please be happy !

Gone but never forgotten, Jaime Lannister. Boy, did I miss you !

Since he was made a prisoner by Robb the faggety fagget, we didn't see much of him. But thanks to Robb's insufferable mother he's free ! And I cannot wait to see more of him.
"Has anyone ever told you you are as boring as you are ugly ?" I mean come on ! Who says that ? Welcome back Jaime, I do hope we'll be hearing from you very soon, like tonight for example.

It took me a while to write about last week's episode because there was so much I wanted to talk about it was just so hard to choose ! I still want to talk about Snow with Ygritte's gang, and Theon's struggle for power, but I guess I'll have to save it for a rainy afternoon.

Game of Thrones : Joffrey Is Officially A Psychopath

First of all, I'd like to say that Game of Thrones is one of the greatest shows I've seen in a while, I only started watching recently and damn, it's blowing my mind.

But today's topic is Joffrey. Man that kid has some issues ! He's all dominant and controlling all the time, like he wants to prove himself or something. Dude, you're seriously creepy ! Those scenes in the throne room are memorable. There was that guy who wrote a funny song who got his tongue cut out, good times ...

 But here, he decided to give his queen a little public humiliation before lunch even though she couldn't possibly be responsible for her brother taking over a small village. Sansa is a pain, but I can't bring myself to dislike her anymore, her stoicism and calm declaring her love for Joffrey and facing the situation she's in, have moved me.

Which brings me to my favourite character ever. Tyron Lannister. Boy, do I like you ! He's funny, cynical but he's also very just, in a way that somehow makes him modern. He comes to rescue poor Sansa from torture, all "What the hell is going on here ?" and, of course, he wins.

Back to the creep-tastic little bastard. Compared to what he did in his room, the thing with Sansa was just a warm-up. That kid just gets off on torture, both psychological and physical. And that poor hooker ! I don't know if we've even heard her name before, but I feel sorry for her, she started off as a Theon's fancy girl and ended up in Little Finger's business where she's had to watch babies slaughtered and, well, deal with Joffrey.

 Speak of the devil ... Hey you !

He is one of the smartest characters on the show. Always aware of every little naughty secret of every one in the seven kingdoms, and, as it appears, faithful to no one and nothing but Lady Catelyn Stark. Yes, he did betray her husband but I don't think he's ever done anything else to hurt her directly. It was kind of a sweet moment when he gave her the remains of Ned, the moments he's with her are the only ones I see him as fragile.

All in all, the show is great, with well-elaborated characters. I guess that's why they can afford to let go some of them so easily and oh so disturbingly frequently. Hands down.